Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
