Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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