the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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