Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
