I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
