I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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