she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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