are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
