Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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