I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I AM VODKA MAN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
