The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
