new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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