We got so high we made milksteak
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
