dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And then he peed in my hair
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