Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
