i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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