Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
