Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
