Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
