No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
