I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
