Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
