Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
