i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
