Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
