i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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