Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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