Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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