he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
