Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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