is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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