how can u be prego again
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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