Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
