The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
