i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
