I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
