Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
