He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
