my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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