...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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