Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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