so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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