I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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