If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
