I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
