Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
