i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
