There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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