I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She bit a glass in half.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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