This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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