party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
